Well I've been here for about a month now and it hardly feels like I'm that far away after all, well except for the fact that I half way across the planet from my friends and family. But besides that,for the most part, Australia is not that unlike back home. The landscape, scenery and architecture reminds me of a cleaner, dryer and friendlier version of California. They all watch the same shows (and a bunch of other ones that got the boot after the first couple episodes), gawk at the same celebrities, make fun of GW etc. Both countries are a melting pot of nationalities and both countries drove off the original inhabitants with big guns, small pox, herpes and horses. Well not herpes but it affects 1 and 5 Australians as well. All in all though, walking down the street it feels allot like a cleaner, dryer California with a tinge of European influence.
Australians do have a pretty cool thing going on. So for your enjoyment I've complied a list of the little subtleties that make this place a world in it's own.
1.) As you may or may not have heard. practically everything north of New South Whales is poisonous. The snakes, spiders, jelly fish, snails, rat poison etc. Originally when I can here I was freaking out because of the Bill Bryson book: Sunburnt country . In this he goes into great detail about all the things that will kill you if your not careful. turns out he's a bit of a wanker and I should have known from his wussyboy antics in a walk in the woods but I had to make sure so I asked all the locals and they basically told me to check my shoes before I put them on and not to stick my hands in piles of woods etc. It didn't stop me from freaking out when I ran into a 4 ft spider web in the Royal Botanical Gardens. After all someone did die in Sydney unearthing a funnelweb spider while gardening.
2.) When they tell you not to swim in the water,or better yet, don't tell you to swim in the water, you probably shouldn't. The currents in the Pacific ocean are ridiculously strong and like we noted earlier, the Jelly fish are lethal. So out of the thousands of miles of sandy beaches around the coast, the only place you should swim is between the designated yellow flags. Those stories about the people getting ripped apart by crocodiles, stung and killed by jellyfish and people who are carried out hundreds of miles into the sea are the ones who pulled over along side the road and said "that seems to be a nice remote, lush, peachy beach, let's just dip our feet in" are the ones you hear about in the news the next morning.
3.) The attitude here is more laid back than any place I've ever been, yet for some reason every one feels the need to save 1-2 seconds per sentence by abbreviating everything. They usually just take the suffix out and add "e" to it. For example Woolworths is called "wallies". Bad example, that one actually doesn't save anyone any time. Telephone is called Tele, instead of saying "don't get all aggravated man" they say "don't get all agro" and instead of saying "Would you like to have a glass of that invigorating caffeinated beverage that I can brew hot or cold here in this pot and pour for you into a cup and put in sugar, cream or milk or whatever combination you prefer and drink it". They just say: Would you like a cuppa?"
4.) There is no Australian Hollywood. When I got off the plane I expected to see their version of People magazine which I assumed would have been called "Mates" or something like that and would talk about all the celebrity gossip about their stars drug habits and infidelity but no. Just more talk about Britney Spears getting fat and crazy, Nicole Riche's anorexia and Kyle Monogue.
5.) Kyle Monogue is the biggest celebrity in Australia and has been for the last 15 years. She appears in the front page of every weekend edition newspaper.
6.) Since there is no Hollywood, there are zero, zinch, nunda original TV shows. All the syndicates here just buy out, old, has been shows that you would see on UPN and they also recreate successful shows in the U.S rename them. For example you have Australian Idol, who wants to be an Australian Millionaire, so you think you can dance (Australia), the Biggest loser (Australia-) and so on.
To be continued..........
Monday, March 5, 2007
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